In response to my posts about this thing that has been troubling me so deeply, I’ve received a lovely series of messages from a very articulate young dominatrix (and I hope she’ll forgive me if I’m not using the correct terminology). If nothing else, she has helped me to realize I’m not insane, although now that that’s established, I’m still unsure of what to do. Here’s what she advises, which I’m sharing on the chance it might be useful to others:
"First and foremost, there is NOTHING wrong with not being into it. Whoever this is should know that it isn’t even fun to dominate someone who isn’t enjoying it. BDSM as a whole is taxing. It’s dangerous. And it can mess with your mind like crazy. And honestly, there have been many times I wished I wasn’t into it. But I am, it’s who I am. And I really, truly do enjoy it. But if it’s not who you are, it’s not worth it. You will end up with mental scars you do not want.
I understand that it might be difficult. And, if both of you are willing to compromise, you might be able to work it out. But do not, please, do not get involved yourself in BDSM activities if they aren’t right for you. You’ll only get hurt, and I’m talking emotionally.”